okay… je murmure avant tourner ma tête légèrement vers toi. why did you get me a new ring if you were so unhappy.

Tu penches la tête sur le côté. Who said I was unhappy with you? Maintenant que tout est fait, ce serait stupide de pas lui dire ce qu'il se passait, non ? It sounds cliché, but the problem isn't you, its me. I'm too emotional, i'm not enough, i'm jealous of you and i'm selfish. Tu souffles, puis sourit à toi-même, ça fait du bien de juste le dire après l'avoir gardé pour toi aussi longtemps. You were all pointing out the things I already knew and hated about myself but tried to ignore, I resented you all for putting me back in my place. Tu serres tes mains entre elles et fixe maintenant le plancher, t'as pas la force d'affronter son regard pour la suite. Half of the time... I wish I had died in the car accident. If there's a higher power out there, I really don't know why they would keep me alive. The only reason i'm glad I survived, is for you, our kids and my mom who never would've forgave herself for it. Finalement, tu lèves les yeux vers le mur en face. I'm not saying this for pitty, and I don't expect you to keep me around... In fact, I don't want you to. I know why I was unhappy and I know it wasn't because of you... but you are because of me. Tu tournes la tête vers elle, enfin. I became part of the reasons why Jake didn't want you to date anyone and I honestly don't believe I can fix this

les larmes se forment dans mes yeux pendant que tu parles et je retourne mon regard au plafond en gardant le silence. j’avale difficilement ma salive en entendant finalement la vérité, c’est plus douloureux que ce à quoi je m’attendais. je suis supposée dire quoi après tout ça? je cligne des yeux et mes larmes coulent si vites, je ne m’étais pas rendue compte à quel point mes yeux étaient mouillés. je retiens un sanglot mais ça me fait mal à la cicatrice, et je grimace en remettant mes mains sur mon ventre pour apaiser la douleur. isn’t a di-divorce going to make i-it worse? pour tes émotions, ta dépression.

La voir aussi émotive te chamboule l'estomac, mais ta décision est prise et tu ne crois pas mériter pouvoir retourner en arrière. T'as déjà essayé plein de fois, vous avez déjà esquivé la finalité de votre mariage un bon nombre de fois et il faut juste que tu te rendes à l'évidence... Tu l'aimes plus que toi-même, alors tu dois la laisser partir. I believe it'll be better for everyone this way. My mom thinks I should cut ties with Jason and people should choose between us... I know Jake will choose me because he says we're family, even if he honestly doesn't want to because he never chose me, like he chose him. I kinda forced myself into his life by dating and marrying you. Besides, my brother gets to keep his friend and job this way, so I guess he's also gonna be happy about this decision. Tu réfléchis. I don't expect Winter to choose me, so if I can't be around her, it's just gonna make it hard for you to see your bestfriend. Your mom also wanted us to get a divorce last time, i'm taking she's wishing that now more than ever. Et tu hausses les épaules. And you... Do I really have to say? You know you don't love me anymore... I think we both tried to ignore it, probably for the kids... but I don't think we should. You're beautiful and sexy even if you don't believe me when I say it anymore, you're smart, witty... I know you'll find someone better than me. I know you'll be happier without me.

i’m talking about you yj. maybe it’s better for everyone else but what about you? and our babies.

Tu l'a dévisages un peu, t'as pas envie de parler de toi, mais tu supposes qu'elle a besoin de savoir par rapport aux bébés. Our babies will be fine. It's better to have one happy parent than none. Besides... Est-ce que ça répond en partie à la question, déjà ? I'll focus on work and our kids. I'll feed them well and i'll do anything to make them happy... So they won't notice.

je me remets à pleurer et je secoue de la tête. that’s not any better! i’ll be worried sick, that you might not eat well, or sleep well, or smile or laugh. j’essuie mes larmes avec frustration. it’s true. maybe i fell out of love a bit… but i was pregnant for nearly 2 years. my body’s so weak and tired that it literally told me to stop or i might just die. it’s not that i don’t love you anymore, but i love you less, because i loved myself less. and honestly, i think it’s also because you’ve loved yourself less too. mes larmes ne cessent de couler malgré moi. how can we love our babies like this? what example are we setting up for them?